Happy Birthday Snopi! Now get off my boob!

okay so i’m about 7 weeks late since her birthday was september 7th but that’s how long it’s taken me to settle down into a routine again. the last time I had a crawling routine. Now I have a walking routine! It took her longer then normal to do both, but that’s her. So mellow…. she’s in no rush to do anything. Unfortunately I had other plans.

In my plans, since I got pregnant, I wanted to stop nursing at 1 year.I just couldn’t see myself nursing a baby that had teeth and walked and talked. At 11 months I tried to weene her cold turkey. Bad idea. My breasts hurt so much that I couldn’t think. So I started slowly just nursing bedtime and naptime. When she was 12 months, I tried again cold turkey. Wrong! The breasts again. At 13 months, I nursed her only 1 a day. So here I am…. today. 13 months 3 weeks and 3 days and I’ve stopped nursing completely! What does that mean? That for the last 3 days my breasts have been in so much pain that I can’t sleep. I’ve read everything and they all say the same thing. Cold compress and wait it out… how long… 2-4 weeks!!! Agh!!! No one ever told me that about nursing. This is one that i’m adding to my previous posts of why you shouldn’t breastfeed.

As for Snopi: I’m sad that i’m not nursing her. While in the beginning it was purely obligatory since I was her only food source. it became more than that later on. We were bonding and cuddling and playing. She would play with my hair and Iwould tickle her feet. Towards the end, however, she became aggressive. She would yank at my shirt and pinch my breasts. Ouch! That is when I knew it was enough for me. Today, 13 months, 3 weeks and 3 days later, she sleeps through the night and loves organic milk. She stills tugs at my shirt, but I pretend I don’t know what she’s talking about.

Now… how long will it take me to get her off my bed!?

One year later… and i’m back to square one

I’ve been up since 4am and it is now 6am. In the next 30 seconds I will try to explain what I have been doing for the past 4 months that have taken me away from my duty to this site. Well… since snopi now eats food. I spend more time in the kitchen preparing her breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, milk, bed, milk, bed…. for about 5 months now. Since she eats at home about 6 times, I find myself cleaning my kitchen every 2 hours.

The potty training is still happening. My husband swears that by the size of her smile/not smile, he can tell if she needs to go or not. I’ve been trying to sign the word for “toilet” but it resembles the story at gymboree so all she does is laugh.

She eats by herself consistently… as a matter of fact, she prefers it. She is holding on to the spoon and realizes that it is for food. although she cannot feed herself from a bowl (18 mos) she knows how to take the spoon and put it in her mouth.

Walking is a concept she understands but is not willing to venture to. she can couch walk, wall walk, table walk, even use her Walking Wings (great product, review to come) but as soon as she feels herself all alone, she just plops down and prefers to walk. I’m being patient with this one.

Sleeping habits are horrible. I tried everything everyone has said, feed water, go to sleep full, toy, blankie, music, nothing seems to be working. I spoke to her doc to see if it is serious but could only offer me sympathy. She is… who she is. *sigh* So today, I decided to put her in her crib and get her used to being in there. She doesn’t like. It has been associated with time out (not by me, her own association) Of course, that means she sleeps alone and who wants that. She has been sleeping in a comfortable bed with two warm bodies, one of these provides warm milk at any given hour. Who wants to give THAT up! LOL I also have to admit that my husband and I like her sleeping with us. We enjoy the cuddling time, since he is at work and doesn’t see her. I spend so much time cleaning up after her, that I , too, don’t get to play.

Breastfeeding- she’s getting better, she only asks for it for nap and bed time, but it’s hard not to give in when it will give you BOTH some rest. The doc said  I should pump and mix 1/2 and 1/2 of whole milk. ooookkkayyyyy, like i’m going to do that. so for now, i’ll just stick to my plan. She seems like she’s almost ready so there is no need to pressure her.

speaking of pressure, it’s time to get ready for #2. as tired as I am, I believe it will be better like this in the long run, especially since I don’t want baby stuff hanging around my house too long. So we’ll see if it all plans out like I hope

This isn’t Burger King

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Bill Cosby in his TV show was taking care of his kids and when they complained, he told them”This isn’t Burger King, you can’t always have it your way”. LOL I have lived by those words since then. I taught that to my husband in a sarcastic way when we talked about our marriage and its compromises and now we are living it with my daughter every day. Example, after a year of being in a cave, I came out to celebrate my friend’s birthday to an upscale lounge in downtown los angeles. I prepared by leaving my home early to get myself and my daughter settled. I packed her enough lunch to last her 2 days. I left some formula for her father, just in case. I left my husband lunch money and I was off an hour early. I got to the party at exactly 9pm. The birthday girl was still at home so I ordered her drink and a soda for myself. She finally arrived and  1/2 hour later the rest of my friends arrived also. By this time it was 10pm and I had been there for 1 hour. I was tired and sleepy since 10pm was past my bedtime but I was determined to have a good time. at 10:30pm my husband called to check on things and I decided to take the opportunity to go home. My eyes were burning and red and the left one was twitching. It was not what I had planned. I told the birthday girl and she seemed bother but there was nothing she could do. When you say “baby” and she is 10 months, it’s hard to come back with an argument.

I left and got home at 11:30pm and was in bed by midnight. I didn’t get to talk to my friends, whom I hadn’t seen since my wedding and the 4 hour drive to/from los angeles was a big waste. I was sad because my only day off was a big dissappointment. But this isn’t Burger King…. I can’t have it my way. If I could have had it my way, my eye would not have hurt and I would have been there until at least midnight. *sigh*

Today my eye still hurts and it’s swollen. I didn’t get to go to the park like I had planned. Instead I stayed home and recovered from the trip. Another “burger king” moment. My husband often asks me if he can go play poker, or clean his car, or play on the computer. and more “burger king” moments.

So a sarcastic remark to my husband 2 years ago has turned into our motto. Snopi lives by that too. She doesn’t get to play with my phone or the remote control even though she cries for it. She has her toys. Sometimes when she doesn’t want to go to bed, I leave her in the room to work it out on her own until she is ready for bedtime.

As a new mom, not only have I adjusted my lifestyle by having to share my time with my husband, my daughter, my family, and switching my priorities, but also my needs. I try to schedule me time and date night but life happens…. and this isn’t Burger King.

Same dog, new tricks

Everyone has tricks when it comes to dealing with stress and everyday situations. Almost everyone i’ve met has had a traumatic event in their life that has left them in a black hole of which they have to crawl out of -alone- and start over -alone-. That traumatic experience started in May 1994 and ended in December 2000. By January of 2001 i was back in school on the road to what I wanted to do. I was in control of my life and my money. I started to learn how to go to movies, dancing, studying and eating all by myself. This was all the opposite of what you learn in high school. I mean, c’mon only LOSERS go to the movies by themselves. yeah, I had to get over that quick. It was tricky at first. You have to stop thinking that people are staring at you at the restaurant. You also have to stop eavesdropping on conversations (this one was hard since people are so loud LOL) But it taught me alot about myself. I learned how to be content and how to smile at life, how to have fun and how to let go. What I didn’t quite get was what to do in an argument. No matter what the situation I will always get angry FIRST. I can’t think, I can’t listen, I can’t even breath. My body would be hard and my mouth would do all the talking. (have I mentioned how many times I got kicked out of restaurants or bars?) Then, after the storm fades, I will feel sad, or humiliated, or even sorry. It was not great but it worked for me and I liked it. I could handle it.
Everything changed the day I got pregnant. And most important, the change was emotional. yeah, everyone tells you about the crying but it’s more than that. Snopi is 9 months old and while my body is back, my brain is back, my emotions…. are not the same. Any time I have a confrontation I have this urge to burst out crying like if I just saw the ending to the Selena movie (if you haven’t seen Selena, then insert tragic-ending movie here). And I don’t mean tear drops. I mean emotional balling out, gushing tears crying. aaggghhh! It’s so annoying. Sometimes I feel like punching myself, that’s how annoying it is. So what do I do…. I walk away. yup. that’s it. I walk away, I shut down and I restart. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes 1/2 an hour and like today, it’s been 3 hours and i’m still waiting to restart. It’s the opposite of what I should be doing. Where’s the yelling, the name calling, the punching and pushing?
I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be driven by anger. I don’t want to teach that to my daughter.
The other day a woman in a car yelled at me and called my daughter names. It was my husband who yelled back. I just kept walking. He asked me why I did nothing. I said told him “If I got into a fight with every person that told me to go back to my country, I’d be in jail right now” I simply don’t have time to deal with those kind of people. I have to get home and start diner…….
So this dog has some new tricks up her sleeve but i’m not telling…. I’m saving them for when Snopi is in middle school. I’m afraid I’ll need many tricks for THAT

From B- to C+

“A” is good. We all know that. Term Papers, Movies, Performance… the list goes on. It’s only when it comes to breasts that “A” is seen as…. umph? Only in bras to men pray for a C and not an A… well not all the men, just all the ones of met and all the ones all my girlsfriends have met.

I was happy with my breast size before the pregnancy. I was a “barely” B. Which meant that an A cup was too big but a B cup was a little too small. I was able to wear backless shirts and not worry about wearing a bra. I would go “commando” all the time (meaning not wear a bra). I didn’t have to wear a bra. My breasts were perky and small. My friends would complain about wires and straps and I didn’t understand. On the flipside, I needed extra padding for any type of cleavage. Victoria’s Secret was my best friend. I invested in water bras, padded bras, silicone bras… anything to give me a more feminine appearance. I even tried shaping contouring lines underneath to give the shadow image of fuller breasts. The make-up sometimes helped. sometimes it looked like a bad tan. LOL

When I was 5 months pregnant I jumped from a barely B to a C cup. I was excited to finally be rid of all the extra stuff that was stuffing my bra! I didn’t know what to do, how to act, or what to wear with my new breasts. I thought it was my lucky day but quickly found out that my friends were right all along. I had difficulty buying clothes since they were tight at top and loose on the bottom. The wires under the bras are REALLY uncomfortable. I could not exercise because they were in the way. And my favorite tops no longer looked cute. so what to do…

Now that i’m breastfeeding. My breasts fluctuate from a Full C to a barely C about 3 times a day. Not fun. One of my friends described them as pancakes. I was laughing so hard… now… not so much. I will not have pancakes! As soon as I finish breastfeeding, I’m determined to go back to the gym and do as many push-ups as I can to work my pectoral muscles that will pull up my stuff. If that doesn’t work, then implants will do the trick. Does anyone have $5000 I can borrow?

I should have added this to breastfeeding lies, but ran out of space. The lesson i’ve learned here is to really be happy with what you have and that the grass REALLY isn’t always greener on the other side. Oh, and also, listen to your friends. okay, i know you’re like “duh!”

Now, i’m comfortable with where I am. My only consolation is that my sacrifice was for my daugher, so I have no regrets.

Fate is like an evil genie

In a perfect world there would be no wars, no hunger and everyone would be considerate. But we don’t live in a perfect world and that also means that meeting people is not always perfect.

“you can’t help how you meet someone” This was said to me by my friend’s mom when I told her about my relationship. This is very true. I can’t help how I met my husband. Am I proud that we met in a bar in Baja? No. In a perfect world, we would have met in college. But we did meet which is the most important and i’m grateful for that.
He was separated. (i thought that was the same as divorced, oh silly me) We are now going through the last stages of divorce and waiting for the court to approve. In a perfect world, I would have met him 8 years ago. Before his marriage and after my split from my ex-fiance. Oh well, the situation does make for a good story at dinnertime.

After only a month of knowing each other, I decided to commit myself by having a baby with him. Too soon? Well, in a perfect world, we would have dated, gotten engaged, gotten married, then had kids. But I didn’t want to waste 5 years of my life with all that charade. We have a 9 month old daughter and she’s keeping us very busy. Sometimes it’s even hard to talk and bond as a couple. We didn’t have many dates and we are still learning alot from each other. But i’m grateful for my daughter and what she brings into our lives and our relationship.

In front of my friend and family, I promised my life to my husband and to our daughter. I was 4 months pregnant when I got married. (7 months after we met) In a perfect world, we would have waited until the divorce was final. But there is no greater commitment than your word and there is nothing that the state of california can do or hand me that will change that.

While my circumstance was not perfect, I have come to find out that it is not unusual. Many people meet under atypical circumstances and have lived happy lives together. Example: My co-worker was friends with her late husband. He even set her up with a friend for her. They double dated. Later he divorced. they got married and were together for 30 years. Another example: My aunt came from Mexico for a visit. Met her husband. She went back home, but then came back and they have been together for 7 years. Easy right? Well, he didn’t speak ANY spanish and she didn’t speak ANY english. How did they communicate? Crazy! Finally: My other aunt met her husband when he came to visit from a different town. They met and immediately were attracted. They saw each other again at a family reunion. It turns out they were like… 5th or 6th cousins. They’ve been together for 20 years.
Lesson? My friend asked me for advice. She got back with her long lost love but is financially bound with her EX. What should she do? Well, my immediate reaction was to tell her to be happy and go for it. But I know how hard it is to keep a relationship when a partner has “unfinished business”. That baggage is VERY hard to carry. So I just told her to do wait and see what happends. She is still young and doesn’t have to wonder “what if”. If he’s the one, he’ll stick around
I don’t wonder “what if” with me, I took a chance and although not PERFECT, I’m as happy as I could ever imagine.

Freecycle.org

I was reading in the paper about different ways to help the world and came upon this website. I could not be happier. There are plenty of people like me who don’t want useful things to end up in landfills. One of the worst things that is happenning to our generations is appreciation. We don’t appreciate what we have and quickly want something else.

Joining freecycle takes a little elbow grease. You have to have a username. You have to joing the different community groups through yahoo!. This means that if you live in one city but are close to the other city, you have to join THAT city as well. Plus you have to WAIT to get approved. It is not like craigslist or ebay where you sign up and start enjoying the site.

On the other hand, it is community based so you want to help your neighbor, not someone in another state. that defeats the purpose of being resourceful.

I have a couple of things that I want to give away, so I will post them… then keep you posted on the results.

Living through my daughter.

As I have mentioned before, we were very blessed to have many of Snopi’s things donated so that our expense would be minimal. This was great! We have been buying only the necessary items that she needed. A bathtub, some socks, high chair cover, toddler carseat, sunhats…. etc.

I have to admit that I still go window shopping for my daughter. I recently found some cute mermaid clothes at gymboree and wanted desperately to buy an outfit. Did she need it? Well, she doesn’t really NEED much right now, but it was so cute. Although my husband agreed to humor my extravagance, I changed my mind about buying the outfit. She has plenty of good, clean clothes at home. None of them with mermaids but still. So why was I so sad?

I’ve figured out that I”m living through my daughter. I want her to have all these things that I like. I love shoes and bought her 2 pairs of shoes before she could even wear them. 3 months later, my husband bought her a pair and a month ago my mom gave her another pair. That means she has 4 pairs of shoes that she cannot wear…. yet. They are sitting in my closet.

I won’t make the same mistake I did in the beggining and put them away. When she was 6 months, I took all her baby clothes out and stored them in a bin. As I was re-organizing, I found a bag of clothes that I had put away! Yes, now I have 6 outfits that she will NEVER be able to wear. I know i’m not the only one that does this (I have a craigslist list to prove it. LOL) So what do I do now?

Well, seeing that I have favorit outfits that she wears. i constantly use those. When we are at home, she wears her shirts and legwarmers. She only really dresses when we go out. Plus, I bought onesie extenders. She’s really thin, so the extenders make it possible for her to wear the shirts more often. I also put most of her clothes away. I don’t want to get anything stained that doesn’t already have a stain. So she has food clothes that are also her play clothes. Last, I stopped shopping altogether. There is no need to tempt myself into something that I know I can’t buy.

I keep telling myself that there is PLENTY of time for me to buy her clothes. After all, no one gave me size 12 clothes at the baby shower. LOL So for now i’m being patient and keeping myself busy. Well, the last part isn’t very hard. =)

let’s do it

For my bachelorette party I received many nightgowns and gifts. I saw nightgowns because I was 4 months pregnant so something skimpy was not possible. I don’t think Hustler makes a teddy in size prego. LOL
Now that Snopi is 9 months, our love life has take a turn. You see, Snopi has decided that she doesn’t want to stay in her crib and would rather stay with us… in the bed. So she goes sleeps anywhere between 9-10pm. My husband goes to sleep between 9:50-10:00pm. That means I have a 10 minute window for any type of romance. Now 90% of the time he falls asleep before I get into bed. Which means every day I have a 10% chance for romance and half the time, I’m too tired. That drops my chances to 5%!
My husband asked me the other day as I was changing Snopi “so… you wanna do it?” huh? do what? was that an invitation? oooohhhh….. I get it.
So where is the romance? the love letters? The lingerie? The foreplay? I haven’t seen it in a year. With Snopi and working and family, we haven’t been able to have time for anything else.
So what now? Well, until we get the hang of this parenting thing, I’ll take whatever I can get. So next time he asks ” you wanna do it” I”ll leave my pride at the door and say yes! That might bring my percentage from 5% to 6%. Not much but Snopi has taught me the value of baby steps and how something so little can make a big difference.

Gymbo, gymboree

I went to the baby swap last april and saw a sign for gymboree. I thought it was for clothes but the man told me it was gym that he opened up in solana beach. He gave me a date so my daughter can go and “play”. Since this didn’t cost me anything I said why not! He gave me a date and time for my specific age group (6-10 months). I was set.

I arrived on saturday with my socks like they requested.  I left Snopi to play with grandma since I thought it was more like babysitting. My husband and I did some shopping but 20 minutes later we were back. We noticed they were doing some group activities and engaging all the kids. Both my husband and I were interested. They played games, sang, and interacted with our daughter. It was nothing like I assumed. There were a couple of kids crawling and Snopi was very amused. She was watching all the kids and having fun. My husband and I were so excited we signed up! They gave us a journal so we know what the goals are for each stage group.

The next saturday we showed up ready and this time was different. We played games but since most of the babies were not crawling, the teachers gave us some crawling techniques to help them and we practiced as a group then we were left to practice on our own. We did some singing and activities and they were all fun, but they were also there to stimulate the kids. Who would have known that Snopi liked bubbles so much. She also likes the room itself. All the fun colors make it very appealing to her.

She has started crawling… I should say scooting. LOL Since Snopi is not in daycare she does not have interaction with other babies. but now that she goes to gymboree, she is much more willing to do things. Today she scooted all the way from the living room to the kitchen. I believe going to gymboree has helped. It really hellps them learn and since the age group is pretty close, she does not feel intimidated by bigger kids.

And… just as I was getting used to the schedule… they’re changing it next month. They want to keep the babies interested. Hey! what about the parents. I need to know all that stuff, too! LOL

Now, It’s not free. I know. But for us the price we pay is worth it. We have seen our daughter change. Not drastically but enough. Like I said before, she is not in daycare where they teach you to share and you can see other kids interact and run and play. She was on her own at home. No wonder she started rolling everywhere! LOL It is helping her learn to socialize and she is very friendly with other babies.

I’m really excited to start writing in her journal. I think I will be able to keep up with it so she can see what she was like as a baby. I know there are other gyms out there for kids. I have not been to them all, but if you decide to try one be sure you stay and see what their schedule is like. You want to make sure that it’s education and fun. If all they do is play, well, hey! you can do that at the park…. free!